Therapy Hot takes

By: Elena Fenner
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​Hot take #1: You don’t have to know what to talk about in therapy
There may be times in your therapy journey when you come into a session with plenty to talk about. Maybe you had a fight with your partner, experienced a trigger that was activating for you that week, celebrated a promotion at work, or felt both excited and stressed while planning a wedding.
But just as life ebbs and flows, so does therapy.
You might have weeks where you walk into your session thinking, “I don't even know what to talk about today. Nothing really happened this week.” And that's okay!
Your therapist can help guide the session in different directions. Sometimes, simply talking about your week can bring up thoughts, feelings, or patterns that you hadn't noticed before. Other times, having nothing specific to talk about can create an opportunity to slow down, check in with yourself, and notice what is happening beneath the surface.
You don't have to arrive at therapy with a perfectly prepared list of things to discuss. Your therapist is there to meet you where you are that day, even when you aren't quite sure where that is. 

Hot take #2: Your therapist isn't there to give you advice
This doesn't mean your therapist will never offer suggestions. Therapy isn't just sitting in a room with someone who asks, “And how does that make you feel?” (though sometimes they may be asking that too!) Your therapist may teach you grounding techniques for anxiety, strategies for depression, communication skills for relationships, or ways to challenge unhelpful thought patterns.
The difference is that your therapist isn't making the decision for you. Instead, they are giving you tools, information, and different perspectives so you can make informed decisions for yourself.
Think of it like adding tools to your toolbox. Your therapist might say, “Here are a few things you could try when your anxiety starts to build. Which one feels like it might work for you?” Rather than, “You need to start doing this.”
Therapy is about developing self-awareness, skills, and self-leadership, so what your therapists may offer as suggestions are all strategies that will help you build those skills within yourself. 

Hot take #3: You don't have to forgive someone to heal
We often hear that forgiveness is an important part of healing. And for some people, it can be. And forgiveness isn't a requirement for moving forward.
You can heal without forgiving the person who hurt you. You can process what happened, understand how it affected you, set boundaries, grieve what you deserved but didn't receive, and build a life that isn't defined by what happened to you, all without ever reaching a place of forgiveness.
Sometimes, healing looks less like “I forgive you” and more like “I no longer want this experience to have control over my life.”
Forgiveness also doesn't mean forgetting, excusing, minimizing, or allowing someone back into the fold of your life. If forgiveness feels the most authentic in your healing journey then its okay to honor that for yourself. If forgiveness feels like forcing something that feels like it doesn't fit then that's okay too! Both emotional needs deserve the space to be honored. 

Hot take #4: Feeling worse before you feel better doesn't necessarily mean therapy isn't working.

In fact, much of the time that is completely on trend. Therapy may ask you to get really honest and vulnerable about your thoughts, feelings, and decisions you make on a daily basis. It is okay if this level of transparency brings discomfort. 

Think of it like cleaning out a closet. For a long time, you may have been able to close the door and not think too much about what was inside. But once you start pulling things out and sorting through them, the closet can look much worse before it looks better. You might uncover things you forgot were there, realize some things no longer fit, or find yourself unsure of what to keep and what to let go of. Therapy can be a little like that. Sometimes the process of looking honestly at our thoughts, feelings, relationships, and patterns can temporarily feel more uncomfortable before things begin to feel clearer.

The important thing to keep in mind is that feeling worse doesn't automatically mean therapy isn't working. 

Hot take #5: Your therapist will not automatically suggest you cut people out of your life.

This is probably one of the hottest topics in therapy and in social culture right now. This past summer major news sources have covered that many adult children are estranged from their parents. With more people talking openly about boundaries, toxic relationships, and going no-contact, there is also a growing conversation about the role therapists play in these decisions.
So, will your therapist tell you to cut someone out of your life? The answer is complicated, nuanced, and individualized for the person in the therapy room.
Just like a therapist's job is not to give advice, it is also not your therapist's job to decide who should stay in your life and who should go. Your therapist's job is to help you explore your relationships, understand your experiences, identify patterns, clarify your needs, and make decisions that align with your values and well-being.
Sometimes that might mean creating stronger boundaries. Sometimes it might mean having a difficult conversation. Sometimes it might mean changing the way you interact with someone. Sometimes it might mean taking some space. And in situations involving ongoing harm or concerns about safety, creating significant distance or ending contact may be something you choose to consider.
However, there is no universal therapy rule that says, “This person is making you unhappy, so you need to cut them off.”
Relationships are complicated. You can love someone and still need boundaries with them. You can be angry with someone and still want a relationship with them. You can recognize that a relationship isn't healthy without knowing exactly what you want to do about it yet.
Your therapist can help you slow down the decision-making process and help you identify the most authentic next steps for your relationships. 
Relationships are incredibly important to our mental health, and the decision to end a relationship is rarely as simple as one conversation in a therapy room. There may be many conversations about the relationship, your experiences, your needs, your boundaries, and what you want your relationship to look like before the possibility of ending contact ever comes up.
Therapy isn't about telling you who to keep or who to cut out. It's about helping you understand your relationships well enough to decide what is right for you.
One last thought:
If there is one thing I hope you take away from these therapy hot takes, it's that therapy isn't about having all the answers. It's about creating a space to ask questions, understand yourself more deeply, and explore what healing looks like for you.
You don't have to know what to say, feel better right away, forgive someone, or have all the answers before you walk through the therapy door. Therapy is a conversation. So keep asking questions, stay curious about yourself, and give yourself permission to explore the messy, complicated, and sometimes unexpected parts of being human.